You, Me and my Phone: The Signs of Modern Dating.

Move over awkward best ‘friends,’ there’s a new third wheel in the room…and it’s probably in your hand right now. Following my article about female identity, I have decided to look further into the implications of media and technology upon modern dating; particularly that of your iPhone, tablet or Android which have become instrumental in the formation, maintenance and breaking up of relationships today. 

Never before has it been so easy to create contact with new people, ex lovers and old friends. In fact, social networking has almost made it impossible for us to ignore these people- with photos, relationship statuses and tweets appearing on our homepages every few seconds. Good news for professionals though who claim a lack of time when it comes to meeting people with the emergence of online dating websites and apps. We rely so heavily on our phones and tablets to create/ maintain relationships, it must be asked how beneficial the excessive use of technology is for relationships…and could they potentially be responsible for their demise? 

My previous article discussed the internalization by men that women are sexual objects. This is clearly evident in some of the interesting and desperate methods used by men on Tinder for opportunistic, casual sex. Some say it with a ‘dick pic,’ others with a straight up “Do you want it?” or “Let’s skip the bullshit and bond over a movie night.” This has often left me, myself in stitches of laughter. However it is worrying that the sheer majority just want sex and are not interested in how witty, intelligent or funny you are as a person. You are entirely at liberty to say yes or no, but the lack of respect for the person on the receiving end of your propositions cannot be a good thing. 

If you are extremely lucky, you might get a couple of dates out of the app and, for the lucky few (like some friends of mine) it actually leads to something more. But why is this case such a rarity? We make ourselves so readily available to others today, a whole plethora of contact methods are out there: iMessage, SMS, Whatsapp, Snapchat, Facebook, which make people almost unavoidable. It seems that we can get many of the perks of a relationship (without actually making any commitment to the other person) on our own phones, such as a solution to our loneliness, conversation and even virtual sex. Furthermore, as is often the case, this kind of virtual friendship/ casual relationship could be taking place with multiple people at once. 

I so commonly hear friends’ anxiety over the fear that the person they are “seeing” or “speaking to,” might be speaking to someone else at the same time. This is often the case even when real relationships are established. There is so much choice out there that it can often leave us unsure of what we really want and once we get it, is it ever enough? Can we resist temptation when it is presented to us on a plate? It seems we no longer just have to fear ex- girlfriends or jealous best friends; the biggest threat to your relationship might be sitting quietly in your pocket…until the vibrate notification comes through!

Even Durex posted a video campaign urging couples to “Switch it off” and talk to each other, rather than being distracted by the other world living inside your phone. Banksy’s work of art entitled ‘Mobile Lovers,’ which shows a couple embracing whilst looking at their phones says it all. There’s no doubt that technology can be a wonderful thing and broaden our social horizons, but sometimes we need to switch it off, embrace life and get to know the person right in front of us in order for real, healthy relationships to be formed.